Golden Rule #1: Say What You See

Lesson is 23% done.

Activity: Checking-In

Remember Ali and Sarah? Help Sarah use Golden Rule #1 Say What You See to check in with Ali.

Hey, sorry I missed your call. So much homework 😫

How should Sarah respond?

What’s with you lately? Are you avoiding me?

Not quite.

This might make Ali defensive.

Good choice!

You stuck to the facts and opened up the conversation.

Let's continue on!

What Do I Say?

Starting the conversation may seem really daunting. That’s ok, we get it. But it’s actually way easier than you’d think. Just tell them what changes you’ve noticed and ask if they’re ok.

Stick to the facts. Don’t judge. Don’t make assumptions. Just say what you see.
For example:

  • “I’ve missed you at soccer the past couple weeks. Is everything ok?”
  • “You’ve been quieter than usual the past few days. Is there anything you want to talk about?”
  • “You’ve been so busy lately, are you taking time to eat? I miss having lunch with you.”

To start a conversation with someone you’re concerned about, it’s essential that you distinguish facts from opinions. Facts are objective truths you can prove. Opinions are subjective and specific to you or a group’s perspective.

Meet Ali and Sarah

Ali (he/him) and Sarah (she/her) are in grade 12 and lately, Ali’s been acting weird. He was late to class three times last week and walked in looking super tired. Ali loves chemistry more than anything. He used to be such a keener, and even joined the Science Club. Lately, he doesn’t seem interested at all. Sarah saw his latest quiz mark and he got a 53% which is a big change from his 80% average last semester. Sarah’s worried. Ali just seems so down. He hasn’t walked home with Sarah in a couple weeks. Sarah thinks he’s avoiding her.

Welcome to the Be There Certificate!

Congrats on taking the first step towards learning to better support your peers and loved ones.

Throughout the course, you’ll learn:

  • Warning signs that someone might be struggling with their mental health
  • Be There’s 5 Golden Rules – a practical framework to support someone who’s struggling.
  • Self-care tips, because your mental health is just as important as anyone else’s!

You'll get to:

  • Learn from quick tutorials explaining each Golden Rule
  • Take in stories from folks who have been there for their loved ones
  • Test your knowledge with interactive quizzes
  • Practice applying the Golden Rules to real life scenarios

What to expect:

Once you complete all 6 Lessons, you’ll receive the coveted Be There Certificate! Along the way, you’ll also receive badges and encouragement from fellow learners. It takes about two hours to complete but, don’t worry, if you need a break we’ll automatically save your progress up to the last page you finished.

You’ll get started in just a minute. First, a few quick questions.

“It’s too expensive. I can’t afford it.”

  • Research what is covered by their school or employer insurance policies.
  • Make a monthly budget with them or share a template they can fill in themselves.
  • Research community programs or other free options.

“It’s too far away. There isn’t anything near me.”

  • Research options for online therapy or helplines.
  • For highschoolers: Ask your guidance counselor what support is available locally.
  • For university or college students: Visit the campus wellness center to see what services are available.

“I’m too busy. I don’t have time.”

  • Suggest they list out everything they have to do, then help them prioritize what needs to get done and what can wait.
  • Help them write out a schedule for the week with time set aside for major commitments and top priorities.
  • Ask how you can help get things done
  • Encourage them to find a therapist who can be flexible on what time they meet.

“I don’t have a car. I can’t get there.”

  • Brainstorm other options for them like getting a bike, taking transit or asking a friend for a ride.
  • They can ask their therapist or counsellor if they have virtual or phone options.

“It’s embarrassing. I don’t want anyone to find out.”

  • Mental health professionals have confidentiality commitments they must uphold. Do some research or contact a provider to ask them.
  • If they’re speaking with a counsellor, they can specify how they’d like to be contacted to maintain privacy.
  • Consider calling or texting an anonymous helpline.

“I can’t do online therapy. I don’t have any privacy at home.”

  • Consider going for a walk and do therapy over the phone instead of through the internet.
  • Explore options to book a private space at school, a friend’s house or even a local community center.

Let’s take a short break and rest our brains for a sec with this fun quiz. It’s mostly just for fun, but the questions might also help you reflect on strengths you already have as well as areas you can work on when it comes to listening. Sound good? (Get it? Sound good? 😉)

How would your friends describe you?

How often do you interrupt someone when they’re talking? Be honest.

Check-in Champ

As the champion of checking-in you pride yourself on making people feel seen. You’re great at noticing when someone isn’t doing well, but keep in mind that champions are made through practice and hard work. To continue honing your listening skills, remember to ask open-ended questions, validate how they’re feeling and don’t interrupt.

Bobble head

During tough conversations you’re great at validating how someone is feeling and not interrupting. Like a bobblehead, you often nod to show that you’re listening. But if your neck needs a break, try offering a hug or a shoulder to cry on. Remember to ask open-ended questions to help them open up and make eye contact to show that you’re paying attention.

Hugger

Bear hugs are your speciality. When a friend needs a hug, they turn to you. To become an even better listener, remember to validate how they’re feeling, ask open-ended questions and make eye contact to show you’re listening. These actions can give people that warm, fuzzy feeling the same way hugs do!

Eye Contact Master

You’re so good at making eye contact, you’ve probably never lost a staring contest! But don’t limit yourself to just one skill, it’s time to diversify. Try asking open-ended questions and nodding to show that you’re listening. Body posture is important too; uncross your arms and relax.

Just a few questions before we dive in.

Tell us a bit about yourself. This helps us know who is interested in the Be There Certificate and who we might not be reaching yet.

What name should we put on your certificate?

Were you directed here by a school or organization?

What is your date of birth?

If you are 13 years old or younger, we strongly recommend that you complete the Be There Certificate with adult supervision.

Which gender do you most closely identify with?

Are you transgender?

What country do you live in?

Which ethnic or racial groups do you identify with?

Do you identify as… (select all that apply)

Take a minute to reflect. Maybe think of a time when a friend needed your support. Choose your level of agreement with the following statements.

(Be honest, your individual answers won't be public.)

I'm confident I can... recognize when someone is struggling with their mental health.

I'm confident I can... initiate a conversation with someone about their mental health in a non-judgemental way.

I'm confident I can... create a trusting environment to help someone open up about what's bothering them.

I'm confident I can... find practical ways to support someone struggling with their mental health.

I'm confident I can... set and maintain healthy boundaries while supporting someone who is struggling with their mental health.

I'm confident I can... find appropriate mental health resources for a friend.

I'm confident I can... help a friend access appropriate mental health resources.

I would feel comfortable supporting a friend with their mental health.

I would feel comfortable asking for help if I were struggling with my mental health.

Why are you interested in completing The Be There Certificate?

Perfect! We’re good to go. Let the learning begin!

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
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You did it!

You completed the Be There Certificate. Thank you for educating yourself and helping create a world where we can all better support one another.

Just a few quick questions before you get your certificate.

I'm confident I can... recognize when someone is struggling with their mental health.

I'm confident I can... initiate a conversation with someone about their mental health in a non-judgemental way.

I'm confident I can... create a trusting environment to help someone open up about what's bothering them.

I'm confident I can... find practical ways to support someone struggling with their mental health.

I'm confident I can... set and maintain healthy boundaries while supporting someone who is struggling with their mental health.

I'm confident I can... find appropriate mental health resources for a friend.

I'm confident I can... help a friend access appropriate mental health resources.

I would feel comfortable supporting a friend with their mental health.

I would feel comfortable asking for help if I was struggling with my mental health.

We'd love to learn your thoughts on the Be There Certificate.

Please rate your agreement with the following statements.

The Be There Certificate improved my ability to recognize if someone is struggling with their mental health.

After completing the Be There Certificate, I feel better able to safely support someone who is struggling with their mental health.

After completing the Be There Certificate, I feel better able to take care of my own mental health.

How satisfied are you with your experience of the Be There Certificate?

What, if anything, would you change about the Be There Certificate?

Take a minute to share some words of encouragement to another Be There Certificate learner.

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Now let’s practice deciding whether something is a fact or an opinion.


According to Be There, how should you create a safe environment for someone struggling with their mental health?

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A classmate is feeling so anxious about an upcoming exam that they’re nauseous and have barely eaten all week. This change is…

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Ali joined the science club

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Fill in the blanks:

🎶 "We're talking 'bout !" 🎵

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Optional Videos

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